Sweet Serendipity

If I Could Turn Back Time....

Ok, so the many reason for starting a new blog is that my old one, my best friends knew about. Well, so what? You might ask.

I think it's true and fair to say that the ones closest to us are the ones that hurt us the most sometimes. The point of a blog is to have somewhere you can talk about things without causing hassle in your personal life. I couldn’t talk about things that are going on where I knew my friends were reading it.

If I could change one thing, right now it would be that just over a year ago, I hadn’t introduced my two “best friends” to each other.

Since then, I wouldn’t necessarily say they had become close friends, but friends most definitely.

I know it shouldn’t be a problem, and up until now it wasn’t.

One is male and one is female. Lets call them Jack and Sarah.

Jack and I have been friends for about 5 years. Admittedly, our friendship got put on hold while I was engaged to a control freak who wouldn’t let me have male friends, but when I met my now fiancé, he had no problem whatsoever with me seeing Jack. In fact, Jack and my fiancé, let’s call him Tom, have actually become quite good friends themselves.

Recently however, Sarah has been a really bad friend to me, but a really good friend to Jack. I’ve known her 6 years. She hasn’t seen my new house yet, and not because she hasn’t been invited. She bails out on plans we’ve made at the last minute then asks me to do something with her at 48hours notice and gets offended when I tell her I’ve had plans for the past month. She then says it was only an idea as over the next few weekends, she’s going to be busy visiting people. Well shouldn’t I be one of these people she’s visiting? If your supposed “best friend” moved to a new pad, wouldn’t you be itching to see it? I haven’t actually seen her since December. She told me she wasn’t coming to my wedding via a text message. How harsh was that?

What I want to know is when I stopped being good enough? Was it when she found out she was pregnant and I was the only one who stood by her? Was it when she told me she was pregnant the second time and in a bad situation in her relationship and again, I stood by her? Was it when she told me that when she told me she lost the second baby, she lied, in fact she’d had an abortion and I didn’t judge her? Was it when we travelled 2 hours to see her 5 weekends in a row to help her move house and get settled? Or was it when we allowed her to our home at 4.30am after she’d had a nasty encounter with the ex and Tom and I hadn't had any time to ourselves for weeks?

For Sarah, its now a prerequisite that if she sees us, Jack has to be there. This weekend she’s arranged to meet up with Jack and as an afterthought invited me.

I give up with her. She’s not worth the effort. My life is busy enough without having to deal with her thoughtlessness.

At least, if I hadn’t introduced them, I would only have to put up with the situation with Sarah, now I have an awkward situation with Jack too. Changing my email address and phone number sounds like a good idea at the moment.

I don't hold Jack responsible, he's just trying to be the good guy.

I’ve realised that the only person I can truly depend on is Tom. Without him, I’d have nothing, I’d be nothing. Yes he pisses me off sometimes, but isn’t that what other halves do? I know I piss him off, I know I can be immensely difficult at times. But we’re a couple and we work at our relationship. I know I probably don’t make it known to him enough, but I love him dearly and he’s the one thing in my life I WOULDN’T change. He's my best friend, my lover, my rock.

I don’t want my blog to be me having a moan about stuff all the time, but I DO want to be able to vent my frustrations.

From now on, this is where it happens.

posted by serendipity on Friday, April 21, 2006